1. |
DOORWAY
01:38
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(dizzy)
middle
always in the middle
i cant see the middle
i cant see the light
i cant see the dark
standing in the doorway
i cant see ur form cos im staring at the door
staring at ur shadow
listen to ur wish
i can feel ur thoughts but i cannot feel ur kiss
life is such a trip
yea im on some shit
i wanna touch ur hand but my hand just seems to miss
standing in the doorway
born inside a doorway
lived inside a doorway
took a shit inside a doorway
standing in the doorway
lived inside a doorway
fucked inside a doorway
fell in love inside a doorway
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2. |
GO INSIDE
02:14
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(dizzy+rook)
ull never find a way out
(someday you wont recognize me)
ull never find a way out
(someday you wont recognize me)
ull never find a way out
(someday you wont even know who i am)
ull never find a way out
(i live for that day)
(dizzy)
yea i eat the ashes
yea i eat the bones
yea i know the people
yea i know the ones
why cos god tells me
why cos god tells me
why cos god tells me
why
yea i eat the ashes
yea i chew the bones
yea i know the people
yea i know the ones
why cos god tells me
it could be whatever
it doesnt matter
even if i get it wrong
sometimes i think that im dreaming
sometimes i know that im not
sometimes i think its a matter of fact
sometimes i think its just tied up in a knot
it could really be whatever
(rook)
it can go inside you
it can unwind you
it can rewire you
force-feminize you
you'll never be who you thought you were, true
"EVERYTHING'S SEE-THROUGH!!"
trust me, i feel u
memories steal you
present tense, weird too
who is this geared to?
nobody near you
i think i fear you
i think i fear you
i know you're scared of me
so i'm scared too
the difference is...
i don't want to kill you
(dizzy)
it could
it could
it could wear ur skin
it could dig right in
it could go inside of u
it could wear ur skin
it could dig right in
it could go inside of u
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3. |
ETERNAL NAUSEA
02:32
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(dizzy)
i live in sickness
i live in spinning
the whole wide world is a carousel
i stood in line
and now the ride's beginning
i could still do so much more if i dont kill myself
i live in nausea
eternal nausea
in a spotlight shaped like a spiral
im in the bible
god's favorite idol
cos the whole sick world loves to smile
(dizzy+rook)
i feel sick
i still feel sick
i still feel sick
(dizzy)
smile like a rainbow
smile like a crescent moon
just keep doing what ur doing
just keep doing what ur doing
smile like a crack in the earth
like a curse
like a corpse
like a wound
smile like a rainbow
just keep doing what ur doing
(rook)
cum-stained black hoodie
grey soul and static in my eyes
try to see the future
but i'm not sure if it applies
by the water in a pissed-in miniskirt
trying to see the world thru the anhedonia
feels kinda like my soul is burnt
too late, too late if only uhhh
we're not like the other girls
this shit's too evil to be stylish
don't tell me this is too dramatic
cause i LIVE INSIDE IT
just fucking try it~
(dizzy+rook)
i feel sick
i still feel sick
i still feel sick
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4. |
IN MY MOUTH
03:03
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(dizzy)
i wanna put u in my mouth
i wanna crush u in my jaws
i wanna
i wanna put u in my mouth
(dizzy+rook)
i dont feel like i can be anything more than this
(im gonna)
i dont really want to be anything more than this
(im gonna)
i just wanna be whatever u want me to be
(im gonna)
i dont wanna have a soul
(im gonna)
i dont know what i am but i want u to show me
(im gonna)
i dont want to have the capacity to feel lonely
(im gonna)
i want u to destroy me so ill feel better
(im gonna)
i dont wanna leave this moment ever ever ever ever...
(im gonna)
(rook)
I WANNA LEAVE THIS WORLD WITH YOU
I WANNA BECOME SOMETHING BETTER WITH YOU
I WANNA FUCK OUR BODIES INTO BROKEN SHELLS
I WANNA LOSE OURSELVES FOREVER
(dizzy)
i wanna put u in my mouth
i wanna crush u in my jaws
i wanna
i wanna put u in my mouth
right in my mouth
right in my head
ill never let u out
never let u
in my mouth
in my head
in my soul
i want u
there
(rook)
I WANNA LEAVE THIS WORLD WITH YOU
I WANNA BECOME SOMETHING BETTER WITH YOU
I WANNA FUCK OUR BODIES INTO BROKEN SHELLS
I WANNA GO TO HELL TOGETHER
(dizzy)
i wanna put u in my mouth
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5. |
TELL ME HOW U FEEL
02:12
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(dizzy)
tell me how u feel
tell me how u feel
i dont know whats real
i dont know whats real
tell me how to feel
tell me whats really u
tell me how to feel
i will feel it too
AAA!!
(rook)
i want to replace myself
with the best parts of you
i don't want to be anything
close to what i knew
(dizzy)
tell me how u feel
tell me how u feel
i dont know whats real
i dont know whats real
tell me how to feel
whats really u?
tell me what to feel
i will feel it too
(rook)
i want to empty out my mind
and make it something i can use
i want to burn away my childhood
and scatter something new
it doesn't matter if i die
i'm going to become something true
tell me how you feel
so i can take your soul from you
(dizzy)
AAA!!
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6. |
THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS
04:27
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(rook)
is there any truth
to what you tell me you know about me?
i don't wanna underestimate your intellect
but something tells me there is something more to this
go ahead & escape, a couple times a day,
will do you good but don't forget to bring yourself
back to what youre terrified of every single day
...yeah she's okay
i am not like you
i wanna forget myself and be lied to
i don't know if anything is right
i'm just a girl who can't look herself in the eye
(dizzy)
i am not like you
i wanna forget myself and be lied to
i don't know if anything is right
i'm just a girl who can't look herself in the eye
(rook)
and in my dreams
i am somewhere where i can fall apart
i can think nothing and only
feel what i need to
(dizzy)
who fuckin knows whats up?
who the fuck knows whats up?
who really knows whats up?
who the fuck knows whats up?
thank god thank god im not gay
thank god thank god im not scared
thank god its not fucking happening
thoughts and prayers
thoughts and prayers
thank god thank god im not gay
thank god that i dont know anything
thank god thank god im not scared
thoughts and prayers
thoughts and prayers
its the fucking worst isnt it?
its so fucking cursed isnt it?
its a fucking curse int it?
"thoughts and prayers"
"thoughts and prayers"
these bitches just wanna watch us die
they wanna pray over our dead bodies alive
(rook+dizzy)
LEAVE US ALONE
WE DONT WANNA FUCKING HURT ANYONE
WE JUST WANNA FEEL ANYTHING
BEFORE WE'RE DONE
LEAVE US ALONE
WE JUST WANNA HAVE CONTROL OF OUR LIVES
WE JUST WANNA GET OFF
AND FEEL SAFE AND DIE
(rook)
and in my dreams
i am somewhere where i can fall apart
i can think nothing and only
feel what i need to
(rook+dizzy)
everything is movement everything is hypochondriac
and pieced together from the fragments of losing
sight of what i thought you wanted me to be
though i've tried and it almost killed me
you cannot know this. you cannot pretend to be close with me
psychosis batters at ur worldview & gnosis
whoa it's only been a minute and a moment
and you're already done~??
this is praxis. do you have anything to fight back with?
no you lack it
am i making you worry?
is ur vision getting blurry?
yeah youre gonna need glasses
i burn so fucking bright but ur eyesight only sees ashes
i am long past this
post-traumatic, manic
consciousness blasted
look in my eyes and see the person you damaged
(rook)
and in my dreams
i am somewhere where i can fall apart
i can think nothing and only
feel what i need to
pick urself off the floor
and look urself in the eye
(rook+dizzy)
LEAVE US ALONE
WE DONT WANNA FUCKING HURT ANYONE
WE JUST WANNA FEEL ANYTHING
BEFORE WE'RE DONE
LEAVE US ALONE
WE JUST WANNA HAVE CONTROL OF OUR LIVES
WE JUST WANNA GET OFF
AND FEEL SAFE AND DIE
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7. |
IM EARTH
02:43
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(dizzy)
i got the nuked out brain im earth
im in the shit im in the dirt
im so boring put the girls to sleep
i run away but they keep following
(rook)
my soul wont stop producing slime
i feel it in me all the time
can i have another one recycle mine
melt into the earth and fertilize
(dizzy)
i got the nuked out brain im earth
i am the worstest of the worst
im so boring put the girls to sleep
they think its funny but im never free
(rook)
what did i do to incur
a body that just screams & dies & hurts
i feel like a kind of human curse
annihilation is my thirst
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8. |
WIGGLE
03:57
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(dizzy)
i couldnt go
i couldnt stay
i couldnt...
i couldnt...
they tried to push me down
but i just wiggled around until they couldnt hold me
years and years
they couldnt hold me
if u turn the light on ill just run away
i know i dont belong but i have nowhere else to stay
im so sorry im here
im so sorry im here
please dont kill me
please dont kill me
im so sorry im here
right into the heart of my dreams
someone else is just trying to crush me
but its okay
its okay
if i was u
if i was a killer id just kill me too
(rook)
i keep myself together somehow
(i dont want anything i just want to survive)
stepped on too many times to count
(i know i'm nothing to you, i know i'm not even alive)
i hope one day my broken frame
(i'm sorry that i scare you, i'll find a better place to hide)
can get away, can find a place
(i'll crawl into the corner, stay out of the light)
that's safe
(dizzy)
is it really like u say?
does it really come in waves?
does it really work that way?
i know ur something different
u cant hide it
u cant miss it
(rook)
i keep myself together somehow
(i dont want anything i just want to survive)
stepped on too many times to count
(i know i'm a target for you, i know you don't even think twice)
i hope one day my broken frame
(i'm sorry that i scare you, i promise that i'll make it right)
can get away, can find a place
(some perfect day i know i'll no longer be part of your life)
that's safe
i couldnt go
i couldnt stay
i couldnt go
i couldnt stay
i couldnt stay
i didnt stay.
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9. |
DREAMING
03:47
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(dizzy+dolores)
sometimes i think that im dreaming
sometimes i think that im dead
sometimes i think that im dreaming
in ur head
in ur head
(rook)
sometimes i don't understand
how i can see reality
as anything but something far away
from what i think is me
i try to touch the surface
but i cannot touch, only see
the picture is distorted
with the static noise of sleep
"but i'm awake"
i don't believe myself
not really, i feel someone else
deciding what to do and feel and speak
cause i cant touch whats right in front of me
wake her up she's stuck inside a dream
wake me up i'm stuck inside a dream
(dizzy+dolores)
sometimes i think that im dreaming
sometimes i think that im dead
sometimes i think that im dreaming
in ur head
in ur head
(dizzy)
it feels like reaching up thru a mirror world
it feels like reaching thru liquid glass
i dont know where i am at all
oh no
i dont know where ive been and im scared to ask
but thats ok
thats ok
i dont need to know anything
i dont need to be anywhere at all
its ok
oh its so ok
its just a dream
its not real
its not real
its not real
(dizzy+dolores)
sometimes i think that im dreaming
sometimes i think that im dead
sometimes i think that im dreaming
in ur head
in ur head
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10. |
LEGACY
03:26
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(dizzy)
why thank u for ur opinion
what u think is so important
so lets talk this out
i love it
ur so funny
i hope ur doing well
thank god for the tongue in ur mouth
im so happy
im so lucky
i get to do whatever
i can be myself
but u know what
i have zero tolerance for bad little shit heads who only seem to fuck around
same shit
different day
u need to fuck off
u need to go away
i dont wanna talk about it
thats all that i came to say
get out of my space
u worthless fucking fuck face
(dizzy+rook)
WHO THE FUCK DO U THINK U ARE?!
(dizzy)
hey bitch what the fucks going on?
is this how u wanna spend the last few years of ur life?
of ur life?
the last few years...
ur legacy
ur legacy
ur legacy...
ur...
u can hide out in ur tiny little lair
u can be the fucking evil monster
terror
scared
u can be the evil monster
it was always u
it was always u
it was always u
it was always u
it was always u
(rook)
it was always something i couldn't be
that was just outside reality
it was always something i couldn't know
that i didn't know that i shouldn't show
because everything around me
felt just like a bad dream
it was all or nothing
be the kind of person you hate or be
hated for the things that u thought were common sense
just a little further one day it will make sense
hold urself a little tighter ur innocence
(dizzy)
PREYED UPON AND VILLIFIED BY UR BLOOD AND FRIENDS!!
(rook)
who am i if i cant assign a name and place to what this is
everything that's mine feels ROTTEN from the touch of it
everything all the time is a message that i shouldn't be
who the fuck are you?
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME
i want to love myself but memories are killing me
i want to live but all the years that came before wont let me be
i want to love myself but memories are killing me
i want to live but all the years that came before wont let me be
i want to love myself but memories are killing me
i want to live but all the years that came before wont let me be
i want to love myself but memories are killing me
memories are killing me
memories are killing me
it HURTS!!!!!!!
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11. |
RUNNER
04:24
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(rook)
I COULD BE ANYTHING I WANT
I COULD BE SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY
I COULD MAKE PEACE WITH WHAT IM NOT
I COULD BE REAL AGAIN SOMEDAY......REAL AGAIN SOMEDAY
i dont really know myself i dont really believe myself
i dont really know why i see rotten things inside myself
i dont really understand a single thing that's said to me
"i don't really care who you are or what you think of me!!"
...but that's so fucking untrue when no one's listening
(rook+dizzy)
PUT ME UNDER
I WANT TO GET AWAY I WONDER
IF I COULD MAKE IT
SHE'S A RUNNER
I HEAR SHE FUCKS WITH SOMETHING OTHER
YOU DONT KNOW THE HALF OF IT!!!
(dizzy)
im just a pain that hurts too much
inverted shadow time delay
mirror image of something that i never really even was
heterosanity able-bodied lcd display
but im
lost in the world
so different
so unsuited for it
(fuck)
so sick
so fucked up in it
(fuck)
so doomed
so dead
so...
FUCK!!!!!!!
(rook)
i'll get away and i'll be all that i dreamed of
i'll become everything that you were so scared i would be
i'll push the limits of what you thoughts i was capable of
you'll never see me again
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME.....
(rook+dizzy)
PUT ME UNDER
I WANT TO GET AWAY I WONDER
IF I COULD MAKE IT
SHE'S A RUNNER
I HEAR SHE FUCKS WITH SOMETHING OTHER
YOU DONT KNOW THE HALF OF IT!!!
(rook)
this anger burns out too quick to hold
i wanna be engulfed but i'm out in the cold
am i a character in some sick fantasy that's getting old?
what happens from now on if it turns out i never told you?
i want to start again i want this hurt to die
iwant it to destroy me so i'll have a reason not to lie
i want to hear ur voice and tell u its the last time ever
i want to cut away i want to separate and sever
i could be anything i want
i could be somewhere far away
i could make peace with what im not
i could be real again someday...... REAL AGAIN SOMEDAY
i'm going to start again
i'm going to start again.
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12. |
WOUND
02:55
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(rook)
listen. i don't want to go here
listen. i don't want to go here
this is almost as bad as going back there
listen, i can't, i can't go here
this is a wound and it's closing
this is a wound, please let it
there is a wound called knowing
what it's like to feel this
please don't open it up again
please don't fucking touch me
please don't talk to me that way
please don't try to love me
someone opened it up again
someone fucking touched me
someone scared me out of my mind
tore the wound right open and shoved me in
every time it happens i don't think that i can get off the floor
i don't even feel like those memories are mine anymore
i don't know your motive but i just want to get out of this mess
please just get your hand off of my dick and your voice out of my head.
i remember trusting, i remember trusting you
now that's something i don't think that i could ever do
it wasn't that bad, i don't even know what you meant
but given my age, i think the least important thing was intent
(rook+dizzy)
the truth is i don't want to know what happened to me
just wanna kill all the memories of those years
dig out grey matter, bleed out everything that is left
from when i had to stop believing in safety
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13. |
SLITHER
05:23
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(rook)
1. we slithered out of your reach. all of us had someone like you to run from. our wings were clipped and our limbs were damaged but we crawled and picked our way out as far as we could.
2. we lived by the water. took care of something that made its home deep below the surface. the mother of the depths returned our kindness by giving us her flesh to sustain us. she was sick and diseased like we all were, but she kept us alive.
3. things settled and some of our feathers started to grow back, a different color than before. our bones began to heal - at new angles, but almost as strong as they used to be. we held each other close at night and whispered that things were different now. things were safe. we had to be reminded nightly, or else we'd forget.
4. you found us. you came while we were sleeping. you talked with warm familiarity and i threw up at your feet. you asked me what was wrong - sincere - and i couldn't answer. i wish it was easier to hate you. i wish you were a bad person, but instead i just think that i am for wanting that.
5. we drove you away, haltingly. i told you i needed more time as if i hadn't already decided what you were to me. i wish you knew what you did, but i don't want to tell you. it would be easier if you were something i had nightmares about instead of ugly, complicated dreams. i want to flatten you into a villain but i think that would only turn me into one. please leave me alone. i'm happy now. i'm happy here. please don't look for me. i promise i'm okay. please go.
listen to me. i'm going to speak plainly
i'm not going to say your name. i'm afraid
because of what i know you won't mention
all those years of horrible tension
i don't think youre a monster, hardly
i just think that you fucked up, badly
i can never tell you what you did to me
so i have to settle for this, i hope truly
that you never hear these words that i'm speaking
this is just for me as i'm healing.
it's not my fault that my soul is a war
that i don't want to say i love you on the phone anymore
i blame you. but i don't want to hate you
...but maybe that's because i'm afraid to
there is a memory of when i was young and i admired you so much.
we got away
but everything reminds us
i admired you so much
6. what comes next? is there anything after? where will we go to now? who will we become?
i wonder.
i've never wondered before.
----
(dizzy)
everything always changes but its always the same
everything always changes it flickers like flames
everything always changes dice roll to a different face
everything always changes new skin new name
everything always changes but its different sides of one thing
everything always changes in a circle in a ring
|
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Black Dresses Toronto, Ontario
ada rook
adarook.bandcamp.com
devi mccallion
blacksquares.bandcamp.com
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